Last Wednesday, in addition to Hoss and Pepper in the studio, Fancy came in for the day as well. Fancy is a German Shepard puppy with HUGE ears who has visited Zoom once or twice before – just never when other dogs were here. I thought it would be pure chaos with Fancy and Pepper, but it was just the opposite. Fancy seemed unsure of these larger dogs and hunkered down under Corrina’s desk or by her water bowl. Pepper was curious about her but mostly sat on her pillow enjoying the heck out of a bone. Hoss was totally disinterested in her and did his best impression of a carpet for most of the day.

If you’re thinking about getting a dog, think long and hard. Your life will never be the same again.

oh. great. the laundry basket.

hey. awesome. our chair.

You have to feed them EVERY day. They also need exercise and attention. They need shots and regular check-ups and vaccinations. When you go on vacation you have to pay someone to watch them. They are a bit on the stinky side, slobbery, shed like crazy and chew on things they shouldn’t chew on. You have to pick up their poo and they bark a lot. They turn their nose up at the good food you buy them for some unknown reason. They pee on things you don’t want them pee on. They turn their heads from the water bowl before they are finished drinking allowing the water in their mouth to flow out of their mouth and all over the kitchen. They leave slimy nose prints on windows and dirty foot prints on the floor.

But it’s worth it. It is totally worth every poo you pick up, every cent spent at the vet, every piece of dog hair you pull out of your food. It is worth it.

Everyone wants a good dog as a pet. You don’t want Wade Blasingame knocking on your door because of a misbehaving dog. Hoss was a little hellion as a pup. When my wife and I realized we had no idea how to train him, we hired a trainer. Deb, the  dog trainer, came over once every two weeks for about an hour and showed us how to train Hoss. She only had to come over about four or five times before Hoss was behaving like the little angel we now all know and love.

To stop him from jumping on the counters and furniture, we used mousetraps covered with newspaper or dish towels. When he jumped up, the traps sprung, the noise scared him and he jumped down. (The traps never touched him because they were covered.) To stop him from chewing on his leash, we coated it with Tabasco sauce. To stop him from begging for people food, we gave him lemons or jalapenos off our plate. We even taught him to let us know he had to go out by ringing a bell we hung at nose level next to the back door. (That worked really well at our house but when we took him to our friend’s house that did not have a bell, the results were less than desirable.) He is five now and still uses the bell.

I really think consistency and positive reinforcement are the keys to good training. If that doesn’t work, you could always try Dave Sturtevant’s technique.

Well, it sure has been hot in Portland lately. I believe these are called “The Dog Days of Summer.” According to Wikipedia, The phrase Dog Days or “the Dog Days of Summer” refers to the hottest, most sultry days of summer.

The term “Dog Days” was used by the Greeks and ancient Romans, who called these days caniculares dies, “days of the dogs,” after Sirius the “Dog Star”, in Latin Canicula, the brightest star in the heavens besides the sun.

Originally, the Dog Days were the days when Sirius, the Dog Star, rose just before or at sunrise. Blaming the star for the hot scorching weather, the ancients sacrificed a brown dog at the beginning of the Dog Days to appease the rage of Sirius. (Good thing Hoss and Pepper are black.) We’re not sure if it worked or not.

Macy

Frank

The heat definitely drove us all crazy, but I don’t think sacrificing dogs was on the agenda. Fortunately for Hoss and Pepper, their house has a basement and that’s where they spent a majority of their time last week. For those dogs less fortunate, the air conditioned, dog-friendly Zoom Creates office became a safe refuge from the heat. For a few days last week, we were graced with the presence of Lisa’s dog, Macy, an American Staffordshire Terrier, and Corrina’s boyfriend’s dog, Frank, a sweet older German Shepard. Welcome, Macy and Frank, and be glad you don’t live in ancient Rome.

Barf. I did not see this in France.

I just flew in from France and boy, are my arms tired!

In case anyone was wondering, my wife and I had a great time in Southern France. Good bread, cheese and especially good wine. We visited Avignon, Arles, Gordes, Rousillon, Nice, Eze and Monte Carlo. And even though we knew Hoss and Pepper were well taken care of, we missed them quite a bit and thought of them each time we saw a dog. And we saw a lot of them. Most were in the 10-20 pound range, but we also saw a few German Shepherds and Rottweilers.

Many dogs were not on leashes in the crowded city markets, and just followed behind their owners without causing a ruckus. It was amazing. Even people without dogs didn’t seem to mind or think this was strange. We saw vendors’ dogs wandering in and out of their cafes, “helping” behind the counter, even mingling with guests and sniffing other dogs that walked by. No one batted an eye and there was not one dog fight to be had.

I don’t think this would ever happen in America. There would be some silly health code violation, or someone would complain because they don’t like dogs, or the dogs would get in a fight, etc. Fortunately I have the Lucky Lab next door, where dogs are welcome to sit with their owners on the patio while they enjoy a beer and a bite to eat. For me, this small pleasure has become a reminder of my European experience.

While Greg is off gallivanting around Southern France this week, Hoss and Pepper are enjoying a vacation at their pet sitter’s house. Good for Greg and his wife, Birdie, right? And good for Hoss and Pepper, too. They love their pet sitter. It’s us I feel sorry for.

A whole week with no wagging tails, no sniffing noses, no licking tongues! Whatever shall we do? At Zoom we count on Hoss and Pepper to take care of the really important stuff: greeting the really tall UPS guy, barking at the poodle that works next door, and eating the food we drop when scarfing snacks at our desk. Their absence has affected us all—my desk, for example, is absolutely surrounded by bits and crumbs of dropped food. The UPS guy has days worth of unrequited high fives stored up, and the poodle next door is getting downright cocky. It’s just awful.

Oh, and we miss Greg, too… don’t get me wrong. We are excited for him to return with breathtaking tales of Provence, and the adventures he had in his new Speedo. But we simply can’t wait until Hoss and Pepper come back. I think I’ll go howl at the moon now.

Before we went to pick up our 6 week old puppy from the shelter, we already had a name picked out. It was going to be Bart. That way I could yell at him like Homer yells at Bart on the Simpsons. But my wife didn’t think it was appropriate to name a black and white dog Bart. Only a yellow dog should be named Bart. The shelter had named him Alister.

When we got to the car to take him home, since he did not have a name, I instinctively said “Hop on in here, Hoss, we’re going home”. Hoss is what I sometimes call people when I don’t know their name. I can’t remember where I picked that habit up, but I believe it refers to Hoss Cartright from the TV show Bonanza.  “Hoss” is actually a dialectal variant pronunciation of the word “horse”. At any rate, the name stuck right away and I can’t imagine ever calling him Bart.

Our second dog got her name as my wife and I were sitting in the lobby of the Humane Society, waiting for all the paperwork on our new dog to be processed. Her tag said her name was Candy, but neither of us were feeling that. We’d been tossing names back and forth for about half an hour when my wife mentioned the name “Feffer”. This way, our dogs would be named Hasenpfeffer, or Hoss and Feffer, a reference to the Bugs Bunny cartoon Shishkabugs, or perhaps more well known as something Laverne and Shirley say in their theme song. Hasenpfeffer is actually a rabbit stew. Anyway, I loved the idea of naming her Feffer, but felt like I would get made fun of at the dog park calling for a dog of that name. Feffer is the German word for pepper so we decided to go with the English translation and just call her Pepper.